Helping someone share their story changes lives. The process of speaking and hearing memories and experiences will transform you both. We have a craving to be heard. This is one of the best gifts I can give people I work with. Yes, it is wonderful to hold your book in your hands and share this tangible expression with those you care about. But the entire process of creating it is validating and honoring.

 

Think of the stories that have stayed with you over the years. I bet one or two came to mind that have worked themselves down deep into your soul. It may have been an event or a person/relationship that was so transformative that you mark time in your life by referencing it or them. This can be a powerful force for good. Even simple life lessons shared with others have a way of resonating in our minds and hearts long after the conversation or event. Use this to gain momentum in getting started with your memoir. Or use it as a gift you give to someone you cherish—invite them to share their story and really listen.

 

Short and Sweet Memoir Exercise:

Give yourself 5 minutes:

1. Think about some person or event that was a trail marker in your life.
2. Write or talk out the basic story — no second guessing about whether it’s important or not. Write or speak    everything you can get down in just 5 minutes, then stop.
3. Now, spend 10 more minutes, go back and fill in details, just scribble them in the margins.
4. Next, set it aside for a day or two.
5. Finally, go back and read it again and fill in anything else that you’ve recalled while your story was bubbling away on the back burner of your mind.

 

My free gift to you— just because October is my birthday month!

Want the above mini-memoir exercise professionally edited? I will be choosing one story (max 3 pages) and up to 3 photos sent in to Karen@rememberingthetime.net  and will work with you to edit, polish and make it the best it can be. Whether you do this for yourself or a family member or friend, now’s your chance to craft a beautiful little life story (yes, they can be this short, just a snapshot). My goal is to bring you joy with your story. Do the exercise, send it in to me and I’ll contact you if you’re the winner.

Happy Story Telling!

Karen

Anam Cara

A Celtic phrase meaning “the essence of true friendship.” Here’s a few that might sound familiar:

David and Jonathan—Bible (Samuel I and II )

Anne and Diane—Anne of Green Gables

Pooh and Piglet—Well, you know

 

According to Wikipedia (and other more scholarly sources):

Anam Cara or anamchara is an old Gaelic term for “soul friend”; anam meaning “soul” and cara meaning “friend”. The term was popularized by Irish author John O’Donohue….

(Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom)

Our friendships profoundly impact us. True ones that go deep are treasured, uncommon and can be as strong as or stronger than family ties. These are the souls we choose to share our lives with. While writing this I accidentally typed “livers” instead of “lives”. Yes, sometimes folks even share an organ with a friend in need. There’s more than one way to share life.

 

Give a gratitude shout-out to a dear friend! Just type their 1^st name if you’re reading this on social media. Now, call, text, write and let them know one thing you love about them.

 

If you’re writing your memoir on or interviewing someone else, make sure to ask about their best friend growing up. You can dedicate an entire chapter to exploring this answer. In fact, while working on this section you’ll probably run the gamut from laughter to tears. I’ve done this exercise with young kids and adults, age doesn’t matter. The smiles, chuckles, eye twinkles and sighs show how much these memories shape our hearts and souls. Treasure them.

 

One of my favorite humor writers is Patrick McManus. His stories of adventures with his childhood best friend will delight you with a hefty dose of belly laughs. Try this one, The Night the Bear Ate Goombaw  (my favorite) for a great read and some “good medicine!”

 

A merry heart does good,  like medicine…

Proverbs 17:22

 

(Thank you, Abigail Eiceman, for the great discussion on Anam Cara)

Ok, time to get a little goofy here. I heard a thoughtful question the other day. What detours have led you to your destiny? We often think life’s roadblocks and detours have slowed us down in our mad mad flight to reach what we believe is our “destiny”. I can’t help but giggle whenever I hear this word though  as I remember that classic 80s movie Back to the Future—“You are my density!” I still get a kick out of it– Bwwhaaa! Sorry, entirely too amused at simple things.

 

 

All kidding aside—here’s the assignment:

Interview your relatives and friends and ask them two questions:

 

1-“What detour or roadblock did you experience in your life that took you down a different road?”

2- “What did you learn from this?”

 

Be forewarned, they will usually want to know YOUR answers to the same questions. You will learn so much about those you care about by doing this mini-interview and really listening to the answers.

The legendary Paul Harvey thrilled listeners for years with his radio show The Rest of the Story. The theme of these stories was the often strange turns of events and destinies that led people from one path to another.

 

The whole course of a life can be changed by a fork in the road.

What detour led to your “Rest of the Story?”

I heard this idea from author Dennis Rainey and it’s so good I want to share it–writing a tribute to a parent. Maybe this will be a joyful, a moving gift from your heart. Then again, maybe it would be really tough for you. The interesting thing is, even if you didn’t have a stellar relationship with your parent, you can do this. Although many of us are blessed to have great, warm memories, our humanity leaks out in not so pretty ways sometimes and most relationships hit rough spots.

 

Rainey’s point is that writing a tribute to your parent and then reading it to them is extremely healing. Sometimes it can even help you turn the corner into a different dynamic in that relationship.

 

 

But listen up; this is amazing—

even if your parent has passed away

writing a tribute can bring healing and release.

 

If you’ve watched the movie I can only Imagine you saw a great illustration of the power of restoration in a difficult relationship. You have everything to gain by writing the tribute. At its best it could start a season of forgiveness, restoration and building new memories for the rest of your story together. At the worst, nothing will change except in your own heart–but YOU will be freer, lighter.

 

I don’t know about you

but I want to speak

encouragement, healing and life.

 

Are you up for it? Take the Tribute Challenge!

Write and let me know what happened.

Karen

 

This answers the third Un-Stick Your Memoir question — How to organize your project, from  a couple weeks ago.  Figuring out how your brain works best with storytelling will save you much wheel spinning frustration later. Trust me on this!

3 Ways to Get it Done:

Chronological—the most popular and for most folks often the easiest way to get started. However, don’t get stuck on this. Start with a key event and build forward and back around it.

Theme— Think about the kinds of stories you like to read or hear, this may help you choose a theme that naturally resonates with you. What you’ve learned in life? Adventures? People who have impacted you? Your faith? Your family?

Timeline—What is a pivotal event in your life? Get a piece of paper, put that event at the top of an “arc” you draw on the page. Then, jot down ideas and experiences about what came before and led up to this. And after, what happened next in the trajectory of your life? Ask yourself:

“Would you be where you are now if that event had happened differently?” these make for good reading and are probably already a part of the way you relate your story.

 

A word about outlines:

Of course some of you just love outlines—by all means knock yourselves out and outline to your heart’s content! If this is how your brain likes to organize then work with it. If, however, you are a “fly by the seat of your pants” type of person, toss the idea of an outline away, wipe the cold sweat off your brow and work with the method that comes naturally to you.

I believe that even the most dis-organized person has developed ways to organize their life. They cope and compensate, tapping into what works well for them.

 

Work with your natural bent

and it will keep you from fighting the frustration of trying to adapt

to a method that is foreign to your way of thinking.

 

Now, here are three ways to approach the nuts and bolts of gathering the pieces of your story. Whether you’re using the oral recording method (click to see last week’s blog) or writing, these will work. I’ll discuss the written method here as I am a visual and tactile learner and need to see my project and touch it. If you thrive on oral, then adapt these methods to the recorder, talking out your story. You can use the containers/folders for storing your photos and memorabilia prompts.

As Kermit says, “What are our choices?” :

Use a large binder and some pocket folders

Set up a file and folders on your computer

Use manila folders or boxes

 

I’ve personally used all 3 of these methods and they all work. Label whichever version you’ve chosen with general titles. You’ll be surprised how many will later become chapter titles as you think of descriptive phrases or pivotal events for each section.

The key is that when ideas come to you, or you find mementos and photos that go with each piece of your story, you will put them in the folder, box or file they belong in. Countless great writers have grabbed whatever was at hand at the moment and written snippets of a story, or a song lyric or a rough poem idea. Napkins, the back of your hand (a bit hard to file, but you’ll figure it out), a scrap of newspaper.

 

I do preach always having a pen/pencil

 and a notebook with you though—

expecting ideas somehow breeds ideas.

 

Spend some time letting your thoughts mull and simmer in your conscious as well as your subconscious, and tuck the idea pieces in their “home” like stray puppies as they come to you. Give yourself a limited time as that will encourage you to focus. Say, 2 weeks.

 

Ideas will flow if you give your brain

a task and a time frame.

 

At first it might seem nothing is coming to you, but wait for it! Once having given your brain its main job, you will come up with ideas— in the shower, walking the dog, mowing the grass, tucking your little one into bed or hearing your mom or dad tell that same story ( I know you love it) again. Relax, it will happen!

Pull everything together at the end of that time and start filling out the gaps. Pick a section, folder, box and focus just on that till you have everything down that you can remember pertaining to that topic or time. This is just brain dump time. No editing yet!

If you’ve made it this far and are still stuck, give me a call and let me help you get back on track and moving forward. I’d love to hear what steps you’ve taken and what is working for you.

Karen

What’s Got You Stuck? Here are three challenges I hear most often at workshops and coaching consultations.

 

I have so much material I don’t know where to start.

 

I hate to write, how can I do this?

 

I don’t know how to organize this project.

 

These problems are not insurmountable! In fact, sorting them out is a fun way to help you get started making your project a reality. I’ll try to answer each of these concerns over the next couple weeks but let’s just take the first one today.

 

Where to start when you have so much material?

 

Pick a point in your life that you most enjoy revisiting or telling stories about. Is it your childhood? Travels? Your experiences raising your own family? Starting at a time ripe with good memories is a way to build positive momentum and can help shape the theme of your book. You will probably end up expanding your scope but many great memoirs and oral histories stay with a narrow focus.

 

You don’t have to write War and Peace to craft

 a personal history that delights you and your family.

 

So, here’s what to do today—grab your favorite cup of whatever, sit down with a notebook or your computer and just brainstorm. For this exercise I prefer the old pencil and paper method, there is something about it that helps stimulate your little gray cells. Recall your chosen starting point and write down everything you can think of that relates, even if it seems like a rabbit trail. In this case rabbit trails are good! Don’t worry about complete sentences or even thoughts; jot down words, phrases, events, impressions.

 

One thing that will help is incorporating each of your senses. Write down one idea that relates to this time in your life and covers each of the five senses. What is something you remember the feeling or texture of? Maybe it was your favorite quilt, or a new puppy, or the feel of a plank of wood. Sight—what visual memory stands out? A fishing pole? Your best friend? Taste—what food do you associate with this time in your life? Maybe it was a can of beans your dad opened when you were camping. Perhaps it was home-fried potatoes or Grandma’s pie. Anyway, you get the idea.

 

This mental landing place is the most important geography in your story. It will help you decide what to keep and what to save for another day, another story. It is the place you will begin from and will provide the framework for “the rest of the story” as Mr. Paul Harvey used to say.

 

Let me know how this worked for you—I’d love to hear your ideas!

Karen