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Taking time to intentionally remember, to encourage and help draw out memories for people who are struggling with memory impairment are critical for quality of life and slowing down the process of memory loss. Our memories can help us feel connected and loved. If you have a memory challenged family member or friend encourage their “remember when…” moments by using sensory triggers. These might be a photo, smells like baked goods, apples, green chile or perfume. Or it might be a favorite item of clothing, music or the furry touch of a pet. Get creative and ask them what they remember when you share these prompts. Its wonderful exercise for the brain and you may learn some things you didn’t know about their life.

 

The health benefits of sharing

memories are transformative.

 

Medical research has shown that writing down or talking about memories can be therapeutic and healing. It can even help promote increased memory retention and sharpen thinking in some memory impaired people. In her blog  The Heart and Craft of Lifewriting writer Sharon Lippincott comments on a memoir entitled Growing Old, by Swiss psychoanalyst Danielle Quinodoz:  “The book focuses on the enormous value elderly people derive from reviewing their memories and attaining an integrated overview of their lives, …People who are able to view their lives in this meaningful way experience more joy in living…They tend to approach aging more actively, retaining curiosity and involvement with life and the people around them….”

 

My mother used the memory trigger of music when her sister began losing her memory. She says, “Right until she got real bad I would call her and we would sing together. Sometimes we’d sing Christmas songs, even if it was July. She would even harmonize up till the last. We kept singing until she couldn’t sing anymore. But she listened.”

 

This is for my Auntie:

The cancer came back after three years in remission. Only this time she didn’t know it. Those three years had brought a crushing avalanche of change. She was aware of all the changes the first year, then the second she just stopped caring. During that time people had started to look at her funny. During that time her youngest daughter, a grown woman of 42, had died of a massive heart attack; she had just lain down and not woken up. She heard sometimes as people whispered the word “mercy” when they talked about her daughter in voices that were a bit too loud.

 She remembered Kelly, but it was as if she had gone somewhere far away and would be coming back soon. She just couldn’t remember when. But she looked for her every day. The anticipation of seeing her was a joy. Her husband never mentioned their daughter anymore. She wondered about that. But he had become kind and somewhat vague and somehow too careful of her. She wondered about that too. But not for long anymore.

Staring out the window at the succulent garden she had planted years ago in pots on the back patio she marveled at the beautiful designs of the leaves. She stared at the swirling patterns of a hen and chick and tried to make sense of it. She asked her husband about the chicken plant but he didn’t know what she was talking about. That was frustrating. After a while she gave up trying to explain it to him. She wondered why he was so dense.

Her sister called often to sing with her. Somehow the words to the songs were still there in her mind. They always came to her. Laughter and singing. And ice cream milkshakes with whipped cream and a cherry on top. These were bright and clear. For a while.

 

Make new memories, remember old ones, love well.

Karen

“One life on this earth is all we get, whether it is enough or not enough, and the obvious conclusion would seem to be that at the very least we are fools if we do not live it as fully and bravely and beautifully as we can.”

Frederick Buechner

Want to explore this thought further on this Easter weekend? Take a look at this essay

Only One Life

 

Looking for resources to start your story? Here are 3 to inspire you:

The Book of Myself, by Carl and David Marshall is a great fill-in-the-blank style with excellent prompts to get you thinking about your life story. Grab your favorite pen and answer the questions, easy to do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Living Legacies, by Duane Elgin and Coleen LeDrew is a wonderfully practical illustrated how-to guide full of great questions and examples. If you’re more visual and like to “see ” how it’s done, take a look at this one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Writing a Memoir, by Victoria Costello is everything you’ve come to expect from this series. Don’t take offense, it’s really an easy to follow guide that covers the nuts and bolts in a practical, doable way. If you enjoy writing this is probably the book for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Be inspired, not overwhelmed–you’ve got this! One of the most satisfying things you’ll ever do is help someone tell their story.

Did you know you don’t have to be “older” (whatever that is) to share a slice of ordinary daily life in a remarkable way? My young friend Jenny Shuster brought readers into a typical evening in her life in less than 200 stunningly beautiful words. Please read and let her show you how it’s done!

 

“My life is nowhere near the “American dream”. But it is beautiful in its own way. This evening, as I helped Carissa take a bath, I could hear Sophia practicing a beautiful Mozart aria in her room. The rhythmic clink of weights coming from John’s room added erratic punctuation to her singing. Our lodger Lydia was in the living room deep in homework for her graduate class. Dad was working his usual culinary magic in the kitchen preparing a hearty dinner for the hungry horde. And Mom was out with the last of the sunlight preparing the garden for spring. Not long after dinner (we usually eat late) Bill would be home from work, and we all would enjoy a few hours of each other’s company. 

Again, my life hasn’t turned out the way I planned. But God has led me through everything and blessed me beyond what I could imagine. I do not know what the future holds for me. But I find rest and joy in the arms of my Heavenly Father! He has always taken care of me. I know He will continue to do so!”

 

Thanks for sharing Jenny!

I’d love to read your slice of life too, please send it in.

Today many of us are Irish wannabes. Your version of mixing the cultures might mean something like a green burrito. Or it may go much deeper. Do you have family roots that grew out of the Emerald Isle? You’d be surprised at how far the web of cultural intermingling extends.

 

There are many historical links between Mexico and Ireland, often leading to marriages and families founded as a friendly cross cultural partnership here in the southwest.  As comedian Brian Regan likes to tease, “and one thing led to another….” I’ve met several families here in southern New Mexico proud of their shared heritage.

 

Take a look at these excerpts from an excellent article from the Houston Institute for Culture

THE IRISH PRESENCE IN MEXICO
By Rose Mary Salum

(excerpt)

“Another prominent Irishman who had a hand in Mexican politics was Dublin-born Hugh O’Connor, who moved to Nueva España to escape the harsh conditions that reigned in Ireland at that time. In his adopted homeland, he became one of the most notable bureaucrats, taking office as governor of the region of Texas and commander of the northern frontier. He was also the founder of the town now known as Tucson, Arizona. In the 18th century, several bureaucrats and officers who represented Spain in Mexico were either Irish, or of Irish descent. O’Connor was one of the most important and distinguished.”

…

“The Irish division was known as Los San Patricios, or “Those of Saint Patrick.” It participated in all the major battles of the war and was cited for bravery by General López de Santa Anna, the Mexican Commander in Chief and President.”

Salum points out:

“The Irish in Mexico have an honorable reputation and a respectable legacy. To this day, an Irishman will be told countless times about the famous “Irish martyrs” who defected from the U.S. Army and gave their lives trying to save Mexico from U.S. aggression.”

 

So, on this St. Patrick’s Day 2018, as you honor the remarkable, real Patrick, born in 385 A.D. (original name Maewyn Succat), may you be inspired to toast your Irish and Mexican ancestors alike.

Let me know what Bit o’ the Irish you found in your heritage.

Today I saw super heroes, without capes, doing many amazing and wonderful things.  I had stopped by Buddy Day, sponsored by Down Syndrome Families of Las Cruces at a nearby park. The early spring grounds were packed with kids and their families zipping around, having a blast in the jumping balloons, eating hot dogs and nachos and cuddling the animals in the petting zoo. Horses pulled trolleys loaded with grinning kids around the park. Local first responders provided thrills, patient explanations, and boosts to look inside their shiny fire trucks and ambulances.

What a Good Day!

Spiderman and Mickey Mouse were also making the rounds, kneeling down to hug children, high fiving them, and listening to their excited chatter. It started me thinking. Here’s a great little game to play with kids that will encourage them to think about what makes them unique. It also gives you a chance to help them see their extended family and others through a different lens.

A Superhero lens

Here’s the 4 step easy plan:

Collect a few basic art supplies: paper, crayons, pencils, etc. maybe even some modeling clay and watercolor paints.

1–Ask your kids what their super power is. Have them describe themselves and their super power. If they’re too young or  have trouble writing, have them tell you and then you, as the Superhero’s Administrative Assistant or Superhero Sidekick (trust me, they’ll love this), can write it down for them. Check out this blog from Linda Hunter of Pretend City Children’s Museum:

Wearing a Superman Cape can Help Preschoolers!

2–Have the kids draw, paint, make a sculpture or otherwise use some of those art materials to create a visual model of themselves as a superhero or otherwise showing their superhero awesomeness.

Bonus Tip: Here’s a link from SmartParentAdvice.com to more fun activities you can do with your toddlers and young children.  These provide the perfect chance to wear your Superhero gear!

3–Talk about parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers—someone older than them. Ask your kids “What’s Grandma’s superpower?” “How do you think Uncle Jim is a superhero?” Write the description, draw the picture. Maybe you’ve got Grandma in a red cape, wielding a rolling pin and making the best pie ever, maybe Uncle Jim’s superpower is being a fireman and helping people, or fixing cars. Maybe Aunt Tina’s cape has dog bones on it and she’s the best puppy trainer you’ve ever seen.

Final step:

4–Share the superhero goodness with the people you’ve honored. Ask some more questions about their super power and how they use it to help people. You might even take your collection of family super hero pictures and descriptions and put them together into a simple photocopied book. Make extras and share them with each other.

Love, laughter, appreciation and joy magnified!

As promised, let’s talk about how to use the objects in your life to weave the threads of a story. The Sewing Machine, by Natalie Fergie is currently on Amazon’s best seller list. This fascinating novel uses a common household tool as the common element tying together lives and families across generations. I’ve decided not to give you too many details as I don’t want to spoil a good read. If you think you’ve seen this plot before let me challenge you—you have never seen it quite like this!

 

You will never look at the mundane objects in your life the same way after reading this book. It will open your eyes to nuances of story and coincidences that have affected your own life. It will make you think. Any maybe dismiss the whole notion of coincidence.

 

Some themes to consider as you think about any objects in your life that might serve as generational connectors or story starters:

 

Trace the history of an object through your family tree. You can use the history of an object to both anchor and tell your own family history. This popular technique is used by fiction writers and works beautifully in writing your memoir too.

Is there something that has been passed down through the generations? Trace its origins, who held it for a time and why. Who has it now? Why? Where do you think it will go next? Can you imagine a few generations down the road who might cherish it? Why?

There is value in castoffs– people and things—why is this particular object valued?

 

Different people value objects for different reasons,

can you trace the attitudes of your object’s previous owners?

 

One of my clients has a rolling pin that is very special to her. She is a great natural story teller and loves to pass on the history of this object. And her grown children and their children love to hear it. Grandma’s rolling pin has a legacy all its own.

It started as a wedding gift many generations ago, prior to the Civil War. It was lovingly passed down and is part of a tradition of pie making and biscuit rolling that touches the heartstrings of all in the family. It connects them. It isn’t just a chunk of hardwood; it is the memoirs of family gatherings, of joyful times celebrated, of grief shared. It is the connecting piece, witnessing future hopes as little hands are coached in how to roll out the pastry evenly and as new grandchildren are bounced on knees over a piece of after-dinner pie. It sits in testimony to the love and resilience of family as friendly bantering bounces around the kitchen about which kinds of pies to bake this year.

Assignment:

Make a list of the important objects in your life.

 

You will probably see one or two rise to the top with a feeling of emotion and poignancy that shouts out “Tell my story!” Now, get that thing and hold it, look at it, really see it in all the details. Let your mind wander over everything you know about it and the people who have cherished it before you. See how many points of connection you can make with that object(s).  !

When you’re done with this little exercise you will probably have enough material for several chapters or your own little mini-memoir using this object as the thread.

Good luck and have fun!

Who isn’t transported back to a childhood of summer nights when you light up a sparkler? How about when you smell a new box of crayons? Fresh grass, saddle soap and leather? What things bring on the memories for you?

 

Look around your house, pick out three objects that someone else has given you. Write a short paragraph about each one:  who gave it to you, what was going on in your life at that time, how the gift or person made you feel.

 

 

What emotions and memories are called up when you see or hold that object? This is a great tool to use with people of all ages. Holding a tangible object often helps our brains call up vivid memories. Working with someone with a fading memory? Try this technique to realize a breakthrough and delight the one you love. Working with children? Many of their memories involve things they can touch and feel, mine the wealth of concrete images to help them remember.

 

I recently read a sample of The Book of Awesome by Neil Pasricha. If you’re looking for some inspiration to prompt your memory trips or visits with others pick this up. Some of the Awesome-ness Pasricha writes about lie in things, others in experiences.

In fact, to celebrate life I’m giving away a copy to one person. I’ll draw the winner’s name from those that comment with an example of an object and the memories it holds for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My father passed away a few days ago.  He would have loved this book and I wish I’d had a chance to share it with him. We often talked about the beauty of the ordinary. The small mother of pearl pocketknife he gave me when I was a teenager brings back many memories. Those thoughts springboard my mind further into the past to childhood fishing and camping trips when he took the time to teach me the proper way to use one. My first successful smoothly peeled white pine stick, the coppery taste of a nicked thumb when I didn’t pay attention, the gleaming trout caught with his help, cleaned with a pocketknife and cooked in the heavy cast iron skillet.

 

An old blue flannel shirt that he wore on outdoor adventures is precious to me. Touching it calls up memories of campfire smoke, horses and the clean warm smell of pine and leather.

 

A copy of The Yearling by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings. He encouraged me to read it and said how much he had enjoyed it. I did and cried over the beauty and sadness of the story. He listened and understood. Understood all that was unspoken in my full heart. And hugged me.

 

“I do not understand how anyone can live

without some small place of enchantment to turn to.” … M. Rawlings

 

Another book, The Trees Stand Shining: Poetry of the North American Indians. The first book of poetry I’d ever read. The copyright is 1971. My childish signature is scrawled carefully inside the front cover. A precious object.

 

At the edge of the world

It is growing light.

The trees stand shining.

I like it.

It is growing light.

 

These objects are just things. Their priceless value is not monetary but in their ability to take me to people, places and times that have places of honor in my heart.

May you rightly hold the objects in your life as connections to the people you love. What objects can you put your hands on today that take you back? Going to visit an elderly friend or relative this weekend? Take along something to prompt their memories. We love to read books about the things that connect the threads of our lives. In fact, next week I’ll bring you a review of a recent read that beautifully shows how this is done.

Karen