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I heard this idea from author Dennis Rainey and it’s so good I want to share it–writing a tribute to a parent. Maybe this will be a joyful, a moving gift from your heart. Then again, maybe it would be really tough for you. The interesting thing is, even if you didn’t have a stellar relationship with your parent, you can do this. Although many of us are blessed to have great, warm memories, our humanity leaks out in not so pretty ways sometimes and most relationships hit rough spots.

 

Rainey’s point is that writing a tribute to your parent and then reading it to them is extremely healing. Sometimes it can even help you turn the corner into a different dynamic in that relationship.

 

 

But listen up; this is amazing—

even if your parent has passed away

writing a tribute can bring healing and release.

 

If you’ve watched the movie I can only Imagine you saw a great illustration of the power of restoration in a difficult relationship. You have everything to gain by writing the tribute. At its best it could start a season of forgiveness, restoration and building new memories for the rest of your story together. At the worst, nothing will change except in your own heart–but YOU will be freer, lighter.

 

I don’t know about you

but I want to speak

encouragement, healing and life.

 

Are you up for it? Take the Tribute Challenge!

Write and let me know what happened.

Karen

 

This answers the third Un-Stick Your Memoir question — How to organize your project, from  a couple weeks ago.  Figuring out how your brain works best with storytelling will save you much wheel spinning frustration later. Trust me on this!

3 Ways to Get it Done:

Chronological—the most popular and for most folks often the easiest way to get started. However, don’t get stuck on this. Start with a key event and build forward and back around it.

Theme— Think about the kinds of stories you like to read or hear, this may help you choose a theme that naturally resonates with you. What you’ve learned in life? Adventures? People who have impacted you? Your faith? Your family?

Timeline—What is a pivotal event in your life? Get a piece of paper, put that event at the top of an “arc” you draw on the page. Then, jot down ideas and experiences about what came before and led up to this. And after, what happened next in the trajectory of your life? Ask yourself:

“Would you be where you are now if that event had happened differently?” these make for good reading and are probably already a part of the way you relate your story.

 

A word about outlines:

Of course some of you just love outlines—by all means knock yourselves out and outline to your heart’s content! If this is how your brain likes to organize then work with it. If, however, you are a “fly by the seat of your pants” type of person, toss the idea of an outline away, wipe the cold sweat off your brow and work with the method that comes naturally to you.

I believe that even the most dis-organized person has developed ways to organize their life. They cope and compensate, tapping into what works well for them.

 

Work with your natural bent

and it will keep you from fighting the frustration of trying to adapt

to a method that is foreign to your way of thinking.

 

Now, here are three ways to approach the nuts and bolts of gathering the pieces of your story. Whether you’re using the oral recording method (click to see last week’s blog) or writing, these will work. I’ll discuss the written method here as I am a visual and tactile learner and need to see my project and touch it. If you thrive on oral, then adapt these methods to the recorder, talking out your story. You can use the containers/folders for storing your photos and memorabilia prompts.

As Kermit says, “What are our choices?” :

Use a large binder and some pocket folders

Set up a file and folders on your computer

Use manila folders or boxes

 

I’ve personally used all 3 of these methods and they all work. Label whichever version you’ve chosen with general titles. You’ll be surprised how many will later become chapter titles as you think of descriptive phrases or pivotal events for each section.

The key is that when ideas come to you, or you find mementos and photos that go with each piece of your story, you will put them in the folder, box or file they belong in. Countless great writers have grabbed whatever was at hand at the moment and written snippets of a story, or a song lyric or a rough poem idea. Napkins, the back of your hand (a bit hard to file, but you’ll figure it out), a scrap of newspaper.

 

I do preach always having a pen/pencil

 and a notebook with you though—

expecting ideas somehow breeds ideas.

 

Spend some time letting your thoughts mull and simmer in your conscious as well as your subconscious, and tuck the idea pieces in their “home” like stray puppies as they come to you. Give yourself a limited time as that will encourage you to focus. Say, 2 weeks.

 

Ideas will flow if you give your brain

a task and a time frame.

 

At first it might seem nothing is coming to you, but wait for it! Once having given your brain its main job, you will come up with ideas— in the shower, walking the dog, mowing the grass, tucking your little one into bed or hearing your mom or dad tell that same story ( I know you love it) again. Relax, it will happen!

Pull everything together at the end of that time and start filling out the gaps. Pick a section, folder, box and focus just on that till you have everything down that you can remember pertaining to that topic or time. This is just brain dump time. No editing yet!

If you’ve made it this far and are still stuck, give me a call and let me help you get back on track and moving forward. I’d love to hear what steps you’ve taken and what is working for you.

Karen

What’s Got You Stuck? Here are three challenges I hear most often at workshops and coaching consultations.

 

I have so much material I don’t know where to start.

 

I hate to write, how can I do this?

 

I don’t know how to organize this project.

 

These problems are not insurmountable! In fact, sorting them out is a fun way to help you get started making your project a reality. I’ll try to answer each of these concerns over the next couple weeks but let’s just take the first one today.

 

Where to start when you have so much material?

 

Pick a point in your life that you most enjoy revisiting or telling stories about. Is it your childhood? Travels? Your experiences raising your own family? Starting at a time ripe with good memories is a way to build positive momentum and can help shape the theme of your book. You will probably end up expanding your scope but many great memoirs and oral histories stay with a narrow focus.

 

You don’t have to write War and Peace to craft

 a personal history that delights you and your family.

 

So, here’s what to do today—grab your favorite cup of whatever, sit down with a notebook or your computer and just brainstorm. For this exercise I prefer the old pencil and paper method, there is something about it that helps stimulate your little gray cells. Recall your chosen starting point and write down everything you can think of that relates, even if it seems like a rabbit trail. In this case rabbit trails are good! Don’t worry about complete sentences or even thoughts; jot down words, phrases, events, impressions.

 

One thing that will help is incorporating each of your senses. Write down one idea that relates to this time in your life and covers each of the five senses. What is something you remember the feeling or texture of? Maybe it was your favorite quilt, or a new puppy, or the feel of a plank of wood. Sight—what visual memory stands out? A fishing pole? Your best friend? Taste—what food do you associate with this time in your life? Maybe it was a can of beans your dad opened when you were camping. Perhaps it was home-fried potatoes or Grandma’s pie. Anyway, you get the idea.

 

This mental landing place is the most important geography in your story. It will help you decide what to keep and what to save for another day, another story. It is the place you will begin from and will provide the framework for “the rest of the story” as Mr. Paul Harvey used to say.

 

Let me know how this worked for you—I’d love to hear your ideas!

Karen

Helping people shift from dreaming and talking about a project they’ve longed to do to holding a finished book gives me more joy than you could possibly know. That’s why I do what I do. Because I love watching my clients achieve the satisfaction of seeing their goals become reality.

 

Artist and author Amy Motto completed the draft for a wonderful children’s book, Puppies Need Pockets, almost 20 years ago. However, it had been sitting in her desk while life events, ill health and time moved on. She never forgot about it and longed to see it come to completion. We began visiting about the possibilities earlier this year and I’m delighted to say that this week we ordered final copies of this charming, fun book. The look on her face when she held the physical fulfillment of her dream was priceless! Two boxes of Puppies Need Pockets are on their way to her as you read this and the book will be available on Amazon within a few days. She is thrilled!

 

While I can’t promise that this happens for all of my clients as quickly as it happened for Amy, I have discovered that if you want to complete your book, memoir or life story project badly enough, it’s usually only a matter of time (and high level guidance) before you get there. Plus, the process of moving toward your goal can be lots of fun too!

 

So… do you know someone who has great memories or a life story they’d like to save while it’s fresh in their mind? Or maybe they have a book manuscript hiding in a desk drawer. Are they stuck and need help to get results and move that project forward? I have room for 5 Love Your Life-Story Breakthrough Sessions in my schedule in the next couple of weeks. There is no charge for these sessions but availability is limited to the first 5 people who contact me. I would be honored if you were to share this post with someone who struggles with how to get started, organize or even finish their life story project and wants to feel the incredible satisfaction of completing it. Or email or PM me if you could use some support yourself. I would love to help. Here’s to all of us having the satisfaction of completing that life goal!

 

Every person’s life story is a precious and unique gift.  What better place to encourage this than at your next family get together or reunion? No matter their age, their life deserves to be remembered and shared with others.

 

Whether the kids in your group are elementary age or mid-high and high school, having these on hand will be sure to help start the conversations as they mix among the in-laws, outlaws and other relatives looking for a story. Perhaps you can encourage them to be reporters for a day?

 

The easy to use workbooks are developed specifically to encourage inter-generational story telling. They encourage learning, fun and meaningful conversations and have been used in memoir classes for children and young adults. Even adults can implement these ideas with their family members young and old.

 

Help the younger folks in your family be aware of the people and events that have impacted their lives. Encourage them to see God’s direction in their life events, no matter how old they are. Inspiring families to share their stories and their histories fosters richness in their life experience. What a legacy to leave to the next generation!

Our online shop is under construction and will be ready for orders soon! In the meantime you can contact us directly.

Contact

karen@rememberingthetime.net

To order copies of both the elementary and the mid-high/high school workbooks for your next family event or class.

 

 

Yesterday was National Collector Car Appreciation Day. I just love vintage automobiles—the look and the stories behind them, not the work that goes into restoring them. If your budget, like mine, doesn’t allow for collecting vintage cars, today is National Mac and Cheese Day.

 

Knock yourself out!

 

It would be great to hear some of your automobile stories—whether it’s first cars, vintage cars or memorable automobiles you have known. Connect with me on FaceBook and post a photo of your favorite old car.

 

Following is an excerpt from The First 90 Years, Blaque Haston’s self-published memoir. We worked together to tell his story of growing up in the Great Depression and the Dust Bowl years. Here’s his automobile experience:

“We had no automobile or horses and wagon. We walked. We couldn’t buy a car until about two years later and that was a Model “T” Ford.

Then, my dad caught a freight train with a lot more destitute men for California. But he got off in Phoenix and got a job in Scottsdale in the orange and cotton farms. He found a job for about 10 cents a hour, but made enough to send for us. He had saved up less than $5.

After getting a little money from Dad, we three families, ours  and two other families who were our friends, got a model “T” truck and joined the “grapes of wrath” across  country.

We all piled on the truck, packed with just mattresses and clothes and headed to Arizona and California. I was six or seven years old. We stacked our mattresses on the truck and sat on top down Highway 66 and we got off in Scottsdale, Arizona.

We found an old abandoned station and there was no gas but it was just a place for us to stay that night. So, we stopped and spread our stuff out.

I remember it was hot on that long drive. We ate canned beans, we didn’t eat much of that, we didn’t eat much…We didn’t drive very fast; the trip was a week or more. The old model T was probably only doing 25-30 miles per hour, 40 at the very most. It was just the 4 of us kids, the rest of them were adults.

We stayed in Hughson in a tent for a little while until Dad went to work for that guy who had an old barn out there with some hay and straw and stuff in it. That’s where he kept some of his tools. He said we could move in there so we did and made everything makeshift. We stayed there and worked for him three or four summers. We were workin’ for him when the war (WWII) broke out….”

 

And that, ladies and gentlemen…is what we call grit!