Author: Karen Ray

Talk about transitions! And I don’t mean from your summer shorts to your long johns. No, I’m talking about real, life-changing ones. This is the state of the family email thread running with the transition theme back and forth across town and country between my three adult kids and us: new jobs, house selling, house hunting, more new jobs, navigating new cities, traveling, and connecting with far-away family.

Interspersed with all this are: crazy memes, cat pictures (we have 12 and 1 dog between all of us), requests for prayer, good book alerts, invites to watercolor or play games virtually,  “How do you do…?” questions, and just simple “I love you’s”. We love to rejoice in each other’s small and big successes, laugh over dumb stuff, grieve together when we’re sad, and support each other in all life’s changes. This is the stuff my family communications are made of! How about yours?

Our 21st-century families may communicate a little differently than our ancestors, but the same emotions and family concerns that our grandparents experienced remain. Letters and journals make terrific material for family histories.

Their pages somehow carry the voices of their writers in remarkably tangible ways.

Have you ever read a letter from a parent when they were young, or maybe a grandparent? You can almost hear them whisper down through the years. You can feel their presence and personality coming through to touch your heart and mind. It’s powerful stuff!

Even though my communication life is pretty digital, I’ve been making it a point to send more handwritten notes this year. It’s just something I want to do personally because it delights both me and the recipients. Sometimes these notes include everyday details, sometimes it’s thoughts about world happenings or an encouraging quote.

Try it: share a recipe, a memory of a good time spent with friends, something goofy the dog did, be a little transparent.

I even have a small booklet of floral postcards that can be colored (a gift from my daughter-in-law) that I color with a gorgeous set of artist’s pencils gifted by another daughter, then send snail mail to friends and family. I know- it’s my version of refrigerator art! But honestly, don’t you still love to get “real” mail? Me too, so I send some as well.

The same “feel good” moments that we get when reading a note from a friend or rereading old family letters can be shared with others in our family to strengthen, to give a sense of belonging and place.

I’ve worked with many people over the years and one constant is the letters. Without fail, both memoir and family history authors speak of the impact of letters, both on themselves and the family members who then read their work. They often include meaningful copies of several in their books. Some books are primarily letter-based and help to bring the voices of those who went before into the warm firelight of the family circle.

During these upcoming colder winter months consider spending a relaxing evening or two pulling together your collection of family journals, letters, even notes on paper scraps and napkins. I’ll bet you have a story there, hiding in those pages, silently calling to be shared.

Will you listen? Who might need to hear these voices?

Family history and memoir projects begin with simply gathering what you have. It doesn’t have to take long and is just a place to begin. Looking for creative ideas and direction? I’d love to visit with you and talk about your story. You can reach me at karen@rememberingthetime.net.
Wishing you the best!
Karen
 

Journaling is often the first step in writing your memoir. Before you know it you’ll have much of your content written, especially if you write daily. If you want to start journaling every day, finding a relaxing place to do it will help you build this positive habit. While you don’t need to have an entire room dedicated to journaling, you do want to have a peaceful space you can retreat to. Here’s some great tips on how to create a relaxing place to journal.

Choose a quiet space.

The first thing to focus on when looking for the perfect journaling space, is whether it is quiet. You are going to need a quiet area to write to get your thoughts and feelings clearly down onto the paper. Have a lively household where quiet is at a premium? Don’t give up!

If you have kids, you can do it when they are in bed or you could create a cozy space in your bedroom where you won’t be disturbed. You can journal anywhere that is comfortable and quiet. It could even be an outdoor space in warmer weather.

Eliminate any clutter.

Wherever you choose to base your journaling space, it’s important to eliminate any clutter. Cluttered spaces can cause our mind to become cluttered too and distract from our focus. You know the self talk “Oh, I just need to fold those clothes, it will just take a minute” or “I’ll just throw the dishes in the dishwasher, then I’ll write.” So, choose an area out of sight of routine chores, clean up the surrounding space and make sure it is tidy.

The more organized your journaling space, the easier you will find it to write. You’re crafting your own personal history, make the space your own.

Add a plant to the space.

You will want to make your journaling space as pleasant as you can. It should be visually appealing as well as comfortable. Adding a plant to the space can help to give you a sense of calm and tranquility. Artificial plants have the same effect, so if you don’t have a green thumb, don’t despair. Choose one, live or silk, that delights your senses.  

Utilize the power of scent.

When you are preparing to write, remember you can positively affect how you feel with the power of scent. You can create a relaxing, calming space by using a Lavender scent for example. Or you can improve your focus and concentration with a citrus scent or peppermint. Think about a scent that helps you to feel calmer and more focused. Whatever scent you love, if you add it to your journaling routine, you’ll look forward to doing it.

Try diffusing your favorite essential oil in your space, the increased humidity and the fragrance will both give you a well-being boost as you journal.

Have comfortable seating available.

Another thing you’ll want to focus on is comfortable seating. You aren’t going to want to write, or at least write for long, if you don’t have a comfortable seat. You could write on your bed, or in an ergonomic office chair. Some people prefer to write on a large, oversized beanbag. The more comfortable your writing space, the more you’ll view this as a cherished time, and the longer you are likely to stick to your journaling habit.

It isn’t hard to create a relaxing space for journaling. Whether you choose to do it at a desk in your office, or while sitting on your bed, the above tips will help you to create the best space.

You’re going to reap great health benefits by taking up journaling, enjoy!

My storytelling friend Barbara Tien over at Ponga.com (more about that soon) asked an excellent question recently,

What’s your road?

This thought keeps swimming around in my head like a bowl-bound goldfish! Yes, there’s lots of thoughts up there, but space to move around too. Although I responded briefly in the moment, her question deserves more time. It’s actually an ideal prompt to write a chapter in your family history or memoir and hone your storytelling skills all at the same time.  
 
As I prepare to launch the Fast Track Your Memoir group coaching program in just a few days I’ve been thinking a lot about our journeys to share our stories. We all have roads in our lives. 

• Some traipse through the woods
• Some are high speed interstates speeding us to our destination
• Some are rocky and rutted dirt paths
• Others…aren’t roads at all

My road isn’t paved, it is a narrow, winding rock trail leading up into the Organ Mountains a few miles above the high desert in southern New Mexico. My father first traveled this path with me on horseback almost 50 years ago. He rode a mellow tempered dun mare, me trotting double time right behind him on a choppy little black pony named Thunder.

Dad adored the outdoors and loved sharing it with others, introducing them to the glory of creation and teaching them to see better, to fish, to really observe the world around them. He was a skilled photographer and passed along this love for visual storytelling. My siblings and I were the recipients of this life wisdom and it shaped us all in a myriad of positive ways.

We are resilient.
We are observant.
We appreciate the beauty of shape and form.
We listen well.
We’ve been taught to look deeper.
We are strong.

Dad passed away a couple years ago but I hear his voice and see that encouraging lop-sided grin whenever I walk these trails. My heart hears the sharp ring of horses’ hooves on the granite trail behind me as I gaze out over the valley, sharp peaks soaring into the cool morning at my back. Dad loved a good story and passed this passion along to me.

We’ve all said it. “I wish I’d have done or said ‘X’” We wish we’d talked to our families, we wish we’d said “yes” to that opportunity to spend more time together. We wish we’d asked about their stories or their memories. We wish we’d flipped through those family photos one more time and truly listened.

I for one don’t want to live with regrets. Now is the time, listen, look at the photos, pay attention to the stories, ask for the memories and cherish the stories.

Are you ready to make a shift and stop struggling to write your memoir yourself? It’s far easier to do this with the support and guidance of others. I’m counting down the days until launching the pilot program I mentioned in an earlier email. If you missed it, shoot me an email at karen@rememberingthetime and I’ll fill you in on the details. The Fast Track Your Memoir group coaching program is filling up fast. There are just a few spots left, once they’re gone you’ll have missed your chance to get in on the ground floor and make serious, guided progress with your story.

I’d love to help you, don’t stay stuck. Join with a friend and take advantage of a buddy discount, ask me how! Hope to see you on the inside!

Karen

It’s all over the news, Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, is writing his memoir. There might be many reasons you’ll be inclined to pick up a copy; fascination with royal lives, curiosity about the real story, wondering if his writing is any good, or dying to know what myths he’ll dispel. Whatever your reason for reading, His Royal Highness, Prince of England is doing something well within reach of anyone. However, it’s a dream most folks push off to that elusive “someday”.

The Prince’s publisher, Penguin Random House, has said the book “will share, for the very first time, the definitive account of the experiences, adventures, losses and life lessons that have helped shape him.”

Harry’s upcoming book will cover his entire life. This is fitting, for of course if he left anything out there would be an outcry, “but what about…?”. You, however, have complete latitude to choose how you want to focus your memoir. Like Harry and many others, you could choose to cover the experiences and memories of a lifetime. Or you could choose a theme or even a single event that transformed you. 

Many memoirs have been written with a narrow subject focus or time frame.

Question – Have you had experiences? What about adventures? I’m sure you have lived through losses, successes, and a myriad of life lessons that have shaped you into the unique human being you are today. In your circle  of family and friends, you are of immeasurably more interest than royalty, as charming as you may find this particular prince.

There will be those who will be kind in their opinion of Prince Harry’s writing; there are those who will be brutal. But  remember that Harry is a fellow human with a story to tell from his own perspective. He is the one who lived it. So too, with your memoir or family history, this is what you experienced from your own point of view. A family member may remember things differently, but they can write their own book, this one is yours.

Like Harry, your “intimate and heartfelt” memoir can be cherished by your family and friends. You can bet both you and they will appreciate this much more now instead of waiting till your funeral when all the good stories are shared. You won’t even be there to enjoy it! 

Do you dream about turning those stories hiding in your heart and mind into a book? Let’s get your words out of fairytale status and into the real world where they can be enjoyed. Are you ready?

Here’s a fun challenge: Prince Harry’s memoir is expected to be published in  late 2022. Get the jump on his big release by writing your own!

You can have your story written and published, holding your own copies ready to be signed, before

the royal buzz hits the castle.

I love bridge images; they remind me that we connect with others through sharing our stories. This simple activity of talking about our memories has the potential for far reaching impact. It can deepen relationships, help us experience life through others’ eyes and grow our empathy and listening skills.

Taking action to save your family’s story may be part of your “for such a time as this” motivation. I’ll be trotting out a fun family photo challenge in the next few days via social media and want to make sure you’re given a heads up. This will be a short activity with lots of positives:

* It’s free

* Did I mention it’s short?

* You’ll have quick content for your family history

* You’ll create good ideas you can follow up on later

You’ll be able to find the challenge in the next few days on our page at https://www.facebook.com/RememberingtheTime

When you think about writing your memoir or family history, do any of these defeating thoughts ever raise their ugly little heads?

• I don’t know how to write a book
• How do I share it with my family?
• My story isn’t important

Remember, if you’re stuck, let’s talk! I understand the feeling and would love to brainstorm a few ideas with you to help you cross the bridge and make that priceless connection with your family by sharing your story. Helping people is what I do! I even have a few free links to my Quick Start a Memoir class for a limited number of people if you contact me in June. Now is an opportune time.