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Happy New Year Everyone! Each day is an investment—do you ever think about your own personal stash of 24 hours that way?

 

I have been experiencing a technology flash back the last few days. My landline has been down and the internet access sporadic. While I don’t pretend to understand how this all works it has led to some wonderfully quiet days of spending time with family, reading a slew of paperback mysteries and hanging out with the pets in front of the fire. Pretty nice!

 

Phone repairs are set to happen tomorrow and in the meantime I hope to grab a brief internet window and post this. On this first day of the year the gorgeous New Mexico sunshine is calling so I’m doing a little outside work and thinking about where I’d like to take this blog during 2018.

 

How best to number my days?

 

I’ve finished up the second of two major book projects at the end of 2017 and have been thrilled to help these families save their stories. They join the large group of folks who have put on their bucket list– “I want to write a book” and the small group that have accomplished it. Congratulations! I have been blessed to be part of making that happen. Thank you!

 

This year I have room to take on five new coaching clients. If you want some hands on personalized help telling your story or that of someone you love contact me and let’s talk about how to get you started. You’ll have a lot of fun working on this goal; it’s an amazing and satisfying experience.

 

You too can make this happen in 2018. Let this be the year!

 

Blessings to you all as you stand poised to open your gift of a brand new year.

Karen

 

 

A really smart guy by the name of R.C. Trench said this:

“The best is oftentimes the enemy of the good; and many a good book has remained unwritten… because there floated before the mind’s eye the ideal of a better or a best.”

 

Guess when he wrote this—1861, yup, way back the same year the Civil War started. Author Rosanne Bane started off a recent blog post with this quote, driving home the point that this is not a new problem. It is a sentiment and dare I say, EXCUSE, that I hear so many times. In fact, I’ve even succumbed to it myself. Want to make progress toward an important goal? Insisting on perfection is not the way to do it.

Here’s the “Reader’s Digest” version of Bane’s article. If you’d like to read the entire thing (highly recommended), here’s the link:

http://blog.bookbaby.com/2017/11/good-enough-may-be-the-best-thing/

 

She makes the point that sometimes it is crucial that you do your best, especially if you’re performing brain surgery, flying a plane or maybe parenting a two year old.

However, we can be

Paralyzed by perfection

 

Bane says:

“If you refuse to accept good enough, you can’t move on. If you make writing a matter of “I’ll do my best or do nothing,” you’ll end up doing nothing most of the time because you simply can’t be your best all the time (or even most of the time). If you were your best all the time, by definition, that would just be your average.

You can’t let perfectionism get in the way. Well actually, you can – it’s just not effective or satisfying to let it get in your way. I truly wish I’d been more vulnerable, taken more risks, made more mistakes, and fallen on my face a lot more often earlier in my career. But with luck and persistence, I can do that now.”

 

This  Point of Paralysis  is exactly the spot where many folks get stuck in thinking about saving their family stories. You know you want to do it, you’re afraid of the scope of the job, you’re not sure where to start, you don’t consider yourself a writer, you’ll do it someday, etc.

 

Bane’s takeaway,

“…first ideas don’t have to be brilliant; they only have to be good enough to give you a place to move on from.”

 

Let me break it down:

A two hour oral history is a small time commitment capturing the irreplaceable voice of the person you love– timbre, nuance, humor, expressions, life experience.

A four hour oral history is a small time commitment—accomplishing all of the above and drawing out more stories, more unique humanity.

An entire series of life history interviews is a small time commitment—about 12 hours. It works because of the guided, skilled nature of the interviewer, focused on drawing out and enhancing the innate story telling skills we all possess as human beings. And did I mention it’s fun?

Here’s the neat thing–You don’t even have to be able to write! I will talk you through your story and write it up for you. Voila!

 

In the amount of time it takes to watch a movie or follow a season of your favorite TV show you could make a life history project happen for someone you love.

 

Is this your year? Break past the paralysis point and give me a call, I’d be delighted to help you get started.

Karen

 

Timelines are a great way to visualize a life. Tape a few sheets of paper together, use a pencil or colored pens, your choice, then draw a line down the middle lengthwise. Events you remember as positive go above the line, those that were difficult below the line. You can start anywhere and move forward and backward as you remember.

 

This technique of recalling life events even works in an oral format. Think about helping a friend with this, you can both record the storytelling and remembering as well as work on the paper outline while you talk. It’s especially good for folks who have difficulty writing. You do the writing, they do the talking.

 

Create a timeline of significant events in your life. Include the basics (birth, childhood, education, training, career highlights, love, marriage, children, faith and special interests). Highlight the turning points and special events that helped shape your life. What were your proudest moments, your toughest challenges, your greatest frustrations, your fondest memories?

 

Include the ordinary too. Describe a typical day:   school, farm chores, Sundays, seasonal activities, a day with your best friend, your favorite way to spend a lazy summer afternoon as a child.

 

How were you affected by where you lived at different times in your life? Did you stay in one place or move around? What are your memories of each place you’ve lived?

 

Record or take some notes about stories that convey

those life highlights. You can add more or go deeper at another time.

 

Contact me if you’d like a copy of the questions and information packet I hand out at Life Legacy workshops. I’d love to send it to you to inspire and give you practical help to begin telling your story. (Packet + first class postage only $6)

Want to win some fudge? Sure you do! Answer one of these “Remember the time…?” questions to be entered into the drawing for 1 lb. of Mamie Eisenhower’s Famous Fudge (made by yours truly from an old family recipe) either mailed or delivered to you if you live here in Las Cruces. It’s the best!

 

What world event from the past 5 years would you want to tell your great grandkids about? How about something important that you have learned? It’s up to you to pass it on.

The first 10 people to comment with an answer within the next 7 days will be entered in the drawing.

 

I really want to know what life memory is important to you and can hardly wait to hear from you,

Karen

Thanksgiving is almost here—this year, when you’re gathered with family and friends around the table, plan for some intentional conversation. Many families have a tradition of sharing what they’re grateful for. This is a wonderful place to start. But you know you all sit around and reminisce over the 2^nd or 3^rd piece of pie too. Yes, you do!

 

Ramp it up a bit and dig out the memories unique to your family, your background and culture. 

 

Record those stories, ask some questions of the “Do Remember When…” variety. Ask your older relatives about their holiday memories and past customs. What did Grandma cook for her first Thanksgiving dinner? Did she burn the turkey; forget the sugar in the pie? Were Uncle Joe, Charlie or Manny the practical jokers in the family?

 

Tell the immigrant stories—most of us were immigrants at some point in our family history. What foods are traditional in your cultural background? Lefse? Posole? Latkes? Black beans and rice? Tamales?

 

There are some funny, poignant, treasured memories hovering around in your family. Write ’em down or record them this year.

 

Now—do you need a unique present idea? Your problem is solved! Turn those gathered memories into a short book, treasured legacy letter or photo memoir for your family. Long or short, it will always be remembered. There is nothing else like it—totally unique and you can give copies to everyone. Do you really think Grandpa needs another package of golf balls, or Grandma another set of slippers? Skip the awful dreaded Black Friday lines and give your family the gift of heart and soul instead.

Gift certificates available — give me ring and let’s talk!

 

Karen

Thank you to our veterans! To the men and women who have been willing to share part of their story with me, thank you, you have helped me to understand. To those whose sacrifice and role in history we honor while we are saddened that it is still often repeated, thank you. To those who struggle and are reluctant to share with their family–this is hard, but please share with us, we love you, your story is important.

 

The soldier above all others prays for peace, for it is the soldier who must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war.

Douglas MacArthur

 

 

Check out the History Channel’s short video below:

http://www.history.com/topics/holidays/history-of-veterans-day/videos/bet-you-didnt-know-veterans-day

These words from General Douglas MacArthur sum up the thoughts I’ve heard repeated from the many veterans who have shared their story:

 

Duty, Honor, Country. Those three hallowed words

reverently

dictate what you ought to be,

what you can be, what you will be. 

 

I want to share a brief conversation with an Iraq war veteran I’ve never forgotten. Years ago a family came to look at my old ranch  horse, Shorty,  for their young boys.  A man, his wife and three year old son.  They were stationed at Ft. Bliss down in El Paso, Texas.  Danny said he had been in three combat tours.  He said, “We are hoping to go live near some friends in Wyoming on a 2000 acre ranch when I get out of the army in 2013.”  He got very quiet and said he needed wide-open spaces, “…I just don’t want to be in crowds anymore.  I don’t want to shoot a gun anymore.  I just want to go live and work on a ranch in Wyoming with my family.”  He softly rubbed that old horse’s furry ears and got an odd look on his face. We stared at the long grass dying on the orchard floor on that  cool fall day. I quietly said,  “I bet there’s more behind that story.”  He nodded and looked me straight in the eyes for a long second.  I could not help the tears spilling down my face and said,  “Thank you for everything you’ve done to keep us safe.”  I never saw him again but have never forgotten this young man.

 

Danny,  I hope you and your family are living on that ranch somewhere. ¡Vaya con Dios!