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National Geographic magazine printed a story a few years ago that popped up again recently. A French man named Mantin died in 1905 and decreed in his will that his house was to be left untouched for 100 years. The article states that the 54-year-old childless bachelor was afraid of being forgotten. Wow, shades of Miss Havisham in Dickens’s 1861 novel, Great Expectations. I wonder of Mantin had read it.

All of us want to feel as if we’ve made a difference, we want to be remembered. There are a myriad of wonderful ways to do this besides enshrining yourself or your home for over 100 years. That is just sad and a bit creepily fascinating.

Years ago I read about someone who did an experiment like this with people on the streets of a large city. It was fascinating what people carried around and why. Folks used to say that a good woman could survive for a week on the contents of her purse. This idea usually brings a laugh, then a sheepish admission that this evaluation is not too far off the mark.

However, what would happen if someone took your purse, your backpack, or one drawer in your house, and tried to learn about you just from the contents?

What story would your accumulated objects tell about you?

I tried this experiment a few years ago on myself with my “treasure box” drawer. Here’s what I found, described as an observer:

The Keepsake Drawer—-a box of gaudy plastic beads strung on a thick cord, gifts from her children.  Precious! The antique ring, elegant gold setting with just a piece of amethyst colored glass set in.  Given to her husband by the eccentric elderly lady whose lawn he mowed as a boy.  He had worked while she entertained the old man who was her gardener with iced tea and conversation.  But– when he found the chunk of purple glass she had it set in an elaborate vintage gold ring and returned it to him as a keepsake.  He had kept it for years then gave it to the girl he married.

Silk scarf woven in  gold and ivory that once belonged to her grandmother, a Swarovski crystal necklace and earring set left over from that same grandmother’s dinner party days; cheap tourist scarves collected from around the world, from places other people went.  A tiny swimsuit, an antique lace collar and three yards of handmade white lace, an enameled antique gold-rimmed plate, and a rustic looking pottery goblet and cup set that somehow made her think of the Holy Grail.  Assorted Mother’s Day cards and a blood pressure cuff.

A silver plated art deco tea set she’d kept through one husband, four moves and three children.  It was the first antique she’d ever bought at a garage sale when she was thirteen.  Somehow, it symbolized the elegance and travel she dreamed of.  Tarnished and pitted in a couple places but her dream nonetheless.  She couldn’t part with it, even all these years later.  Inspiring, maybe.

Look for symbols in the things around you.  Why does she/he keep that?  What is in your jewelry box, kitchen cabinets, closet, fishing tackle box, desk drawer?

Winston Churchill once said, “History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.” No, you don’t need to be on the Who’s Who list to write your memoir. Each life is unique and there are stories in the amazing ordinary that can be drawn out to give insight not only to the writer but future readers as well.

Imagine doing something most people only wish and dream about. In six weeks you can make it happen and experience the joy of an intensely meaningful accomplishment that you can share with family and friends.

I will be conducting a 6-week Life Legacy Guided Memoir Workshop that will provide a practical, creative framework for gathering material and building a memoir for yourself or someone else. Participants will set weekly writing goals, share their progress and receive constructive feedback. By the end of this focused six-week class you will have made significant progress on your story and have a body of work that you can explore further options for developing.

The Workshop will be held from 2:00 – 3:00 pm on Thursdays, June 8^th, 15^th, 22^nd & 29^th and July 13^th & 20^th in the Community Room at the Mountain View Market Coop. The cost is $160, with a 20% discount for members of the Doña Ana County Genealogical Society and the Mountain View Market Coop ($128). Class size is limited to 15 people. Sign-ups for additional classes at a later date/time are being accepted.

Registration:

Contact Karen Ray at 575-323-1048 or at Karen@rememberingthetime.net for more information.

Registration and Class fees are payable to Remembering the Time by check or money order due by June 5^th     

Mail to Remembering the Time at 2877 Willow Creek Ln., Las Cruces, NM 88007.

Happy Mothers Day, enjoy your family time this weekend. I’m keeping this short and sweet as I’m celebrating too. Thankful for  my own amazing and wonderful grown children —I’m delighted to call you “friends” –love you and my own great mom!

Share the humor and forward this post to someone you love.

Mother’s Day is coming up in a couple weeks and the advertising tycoons are hard at work trying to convince you that your mom or wife needs a new diamond, luxury car, phone or cruise to the Bahamas to make her life complete.

Here’s a different idea that won’t cost you a thing except the priceless commodity of time. I am Mom to three wonderful adult children– trust me when I say that when your mother responds to your request for gift ideas with “Oh I don’t need anything Sweetie, I just want to spend time with you!” she isn’t kidding. You just cannot buy that.

So, give the woman what she wants already! Set up a storytelling date over a good meal and turn on your phone recorder or pick up a pencil and paper.

I’m going to be nagging, I mean emphasizing this for the next couple weeks to give you some time and skills to implement these ideas so stay tuned.

You can spend an hour doing a brief life history interview with your mom/grandma/mother of your children/or good friend to honor her on this special day. Talk to her about important events in her life, in this case concerning the life-transforming role of parenting.

For Mother’s Day consider getting your mom a big luscious piece of cake in her flavor of choice and a mug of hot coffee, sit her down and just talk.

Keep it positive, it’s not a therapy session. Remember, like you, she is just a human being trying to do her best. Give her grace on the mistake side of the slate.

Warm her up to the fun by sharing some of your favorite childhood memories. Pulling out a few photos can help prime the storytelling session. Then, ask her about:

*Her experience as a child, favorite memories of her own mother or another woman who filled that role in her life

*Her thoughts on parenting

– Special memories of each of her children

– Something funny

–  Something touching

*Story or Song that she loved to share with you and why

*What has she tried to pass on to her children in terms of life wisdom and experience?

After you’ve listened, take some time later to put this priceless memory making session into a more permanent format. Think forward to maybe her birthday or Christmas. Type it up, burn it onto a CD, add some photos and voila! Now you have another gift to bless her with and remember your day together.

Oh yeah–and don’t forget to do the dishes!

I am a born optimist and prefer to look for the good but it’s not all butterflies and kittens out there. Some of the saddest, most painful times in our lives are part of the extraordinary creation process of making us who we are. Heat, pressure, pain, grief, loneliness. Don’t ignore those “negative” events when you’re working on your life story, whether you’re well on your way to processing it or it still just doesn’t make sense. Your scars and damaged bits are part of the whole package.

Ernest Hemingway’s ability to cut straight to the point is admirable, and although I’m not a rabid fan (don’t judge), I’ve learned quite a bit from reading his work. For example, take a look at this profound quote.

“We are all broken, that’s how the light gets in.”

Just like when a bone is broken, it knits together stronger in that place. Years ago I was turning my horse out to pasture one afternoon; she was young, the granddaughter of a race horse and a bit high strung. In her joy to run free she kicked sideways like a karate boss and caught my forearm. Yes, it broke. This was my first experience with a broken bone and the pain was stunning! However, my arm was across my chest at the time, which means that piston kick with a thousand pounds behind it did not hit my heart. Neither did she connect with my head 12 inches higher.

That bone is stronger now but it also hurts when I overuse it and I’m starting to be able to tell the weather by how it feels, just like Grandpa used to do. It is a reminder to me of the grace that I walked away from that accident. Well, sort of, first I crawled. But—I never let go of the lead rope! It is a reminder that sometimes I need to slow down a little, pay attention and be thankful for the moment.

The broken emotional places that let the light in, as Hemingway noted, are many and varied too. Can you see how these things in your life have grown compassion, mercy and grace in you? I can.

Today’s memoir prompt—

Go sit next to the sadness or the anger. Don’t run away from it. Write about it with honesty and you will take a giant step toward healing and allowing this thing to take its proper place in your history. Try writing the story as just facts. Then, re-write it with the emotion or write what “should” have happened, what you’d do differently. Then—move forward, lighter and wiser.

Have you ever taken the road less traveled? Did something unexpected happen? Changing up your routine can help you see your life and choices in a different context. This can be especially helpful while you’re working on a memoir.

Put yourself in a different place/situation, with different people, eating different food and you will become more aware of your senses. You’ll pay closer attention and notice things you’ve previously raced by in oblivious routine. Each week, during a six week concentrated writing session, do one new thing a week. It might be as simple as taking a different route to or from work each day or wearing something that’s a very different style than your typical clothing choices. Maybe you’ll sit in a different place on the bus, read a different book. Do you see a pattern here? Different. Mix it up a bit and it will focus your senses. Keep a notebook with you and jot short notes about those sensory reactions: smells, taste, touch, sight, and hearing.

Here’s a bit of Mr. Robert Frost to illustrate the point (and because I’m a poetry geek!)

The Road Not Taken

Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear

…Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Incorporate sensory descriptions from your new experiences into the stories surrounding your old memories. Then, when you sit down to write or record this week re-live the events you’re writing about, but with added texture, using your heightened awareness of sensory perception. It will make your story richer and your memories just come alive.