Blog

Mentoring and apprenticeships used to be a common method for teaching people new skills. They might go by different names now but they are never out of style. Do you realize that family and friends are custom designed for skill sharing? What does this have to do with memories? Tons—many of our most memorable moments happen while learning to do something.

Here’s a quick list of things I’ve learned via this method:

♦Hiking—of course the how-to’s of packing everything you need for a week. But more than that, pulling up the grit  and determination to keep going.

♦Building a fire—super important life-skill. Whether or not you ever go camping or have a fireplace. In the zombie apocalypse you’re going to wish you knew how to do this!

♦Horseback riding and training—learning grace and patient firmness with a 1000 pound animal. How to think like a  horse—the attention span of a 3 year old in an animal hard-wired to flee at danger

♦Making a quilt–basically making something out of scraps. You can use your quilt if you did not learn the building  a fire skill above

♦Shooting—why it is important to keep the scope away from your eye when pulling the trigger. Keep yer eyes open when you aim!

♦Fishing—the proper application of salmon eggs, how to twitch a lure, how to land the hook where you mean to, not    in the brush. How to prepare said fish for eating.

♦Photography—look for beauty, how to compose a photo

♦Writing—the power and aptness of a carefully chosen set of letters

♦Cooking—not just the basics but the desire to try new things

♦Tying my shoes—Ha, just seeing if you’re paying attention. But true! I was taught by a left-handed aunt and my      method is a bit unique to this day

♦Building a wall—yeah, sorry for knocking it down Dad, but thank you for teaching me basic masonry skills, and how   to handle a crisis with grace!

♦Making jam and bread—skipping college classes for a day with my best friend to teach ourselves a life skill

♦Babies and Children—proper care and feeding, how to calm a fussy one. How to love well.

 

Try making your own list and jot a note beside each item of the memory it prompts.

 

One of my college professors posted a quote on her door that gave a brief rundown of life skills every person should learn. I’ve always remembered the life philosophy behind this but can’t for the life of me find the old quote. Training your memory was probably one of those life skills! If anyone recalls something like this, let me know. In the meantime,  check out this great resource– The Experts’ Guide to 100 Things Everyone Should Know How to Do

 

You don’t have to be an expert. Just try. Adding a new skill will make you more interesting, you’ll strengthen relationships and stretch your brain synapses. It’s said that learning new things keeps you young and it definitely keeps you from being bored or boring.

 

What new skill are you going to learn or teach this summer? Share this inspiration with your friends and family to start –or continue—some great mentoring relationships.

We’ve all heard of or remember the famous church picnics and really, who doesn’t love a good potluck? I don’t know why but food tastes extra good outdoors. Across the US many annual pioneer picnics and family reunions have been going on for over 100 years. Biscuits, fried chicken, ham, lovingly protected cakes and a glorious array of pickles used to be standard fare. Today many of the same favorites show up along with some Pinterest “experiments” and gourmet goodies. But relatives still vie over who makes the best potato salad or brownies.

 

If you’re here in New Mexico looking for a new place to hold your next picnic check out this wonderful round-up of Best Picnic Places by author Juliet White.

In their book Pioneer Women: The Lives of Women on the Frontier,  authors By Linda S. Peavy and Ursula Smith describe the daily “picnics” of cooking outdoors for a family while traveling across the country. Pioneer woman Pamelia Fergus is quoted, “Camp life has no charm for me…the children think its fun, they want to eat all the time.” Another pioneer who had made the crossing as a child recalled, “Maybe it was hard for the grown folks, but for the children and young people it was just one long, perfect picnic.”

 

What’s on my family’s picnic table? Pretty much the same thing we have every year. My kids don’t want the menu changed.

Dad’s grilled chicken, Great Grandma’s famous clam dip, blueberry cream cheese dessert, chile con queso, potato salad (this is where I insist on experimenting). It’s a mix of Southern, New Mexico and Pacific Northwest, reflecting our family heritage.

What does your menu look like? What kind of fun does your family make?

Enjoy this Independence Day as you celebrate with family, food and fireworks. Share a favorite recipe from picnics past or a great 4th of July memory.

Teaching, talking, sharing

Our imperfect fathers do the best they can and shape who we become, our potential to develop as individuals. They challenge us, love us, and impact our souls forever.

 

There’s great truth in this statement by Margaret Truman:

“It’s only when you grow up and step back from him—or leave him for your own home—it’s only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it.”

 

Most families have a list of “Dad-isms” that cause a lot of laughter, groaning and shaking of heads. My favorite its “Leave things better than you found them.” Applies to pretty much every area of life. What famous dad quotes live on in your family?

 

Memory List for my Dad

Adventurous—shared love for travel

Taught me to see beauty in nature –and took me places to find it

Said, “You can do it” at crucial times

Discussed good books, new ideas

Lifelong learner

Battered Hats and scuffed boots

Singing “Bye, Bye Miss American Pie” at the top of our lungs together

Backpacking and fishing trips

Teaching me how to catch a trout—and get it ready to eat

Fried potatoes in a cast iron skillet—elk camp in the mountains

Riding out of the mountains by moonlight on horseback. Seeing my dad’s battered cowboy hat and lanky frame ahead of me on the trail. Knowing I just had to follow him and I’d be okay.(this I will never forget)

Teaching me to drive the truck picking up hay in the field

The way his eyes crinkle up at a good joke

Trying to teach me to back up a vehicle—still not too good at this Popper Tops

Teaching me to ride the motorcycle—all good till I popped a wheelie (still one of my best memories)

 

Share a memory list with your dad tomorrow. If he’s no longer here, make it anyway and share it with your own kids. And if you’re a dad—count yourself blessed and make a memory with your kids—whether they’re babies or adults. It will stay with you both a lifetime.

June is National Country Cooking Month. This is a really fun one to celebrate as many of our life memories revolve around food. You don’t have to be a foodie to appreciate the connection with family—Grandma’s favorite recipe, the special dessert Mom would make for your birthday that made you feel loved, Dad’s camping creations. At a local school Ag day here in southern New Mexico one little boy responded to the question “What is in tamales?” with a loud and enthusiastic “Love!” He gets it!

 

Smells can evoke tremendous emotion and the smell of food– good, bad or just yuck—often spark intense memories. There is a unique Asian spice that when I smell it takes me straight back to the apartment building my husband and I lived in during college. I was expecting our first child and had to climb the stairwell gauntlet through that strange and permeating odor during months of morning sickness.  The unsuspecting and very nice international students living there never knew. I’m sure they were wonderful cooks but Oi–that smell!

 

There is an entire range of FOOD FOR THOUGHT stemming from food memories. Mine them for nuggets of delicious stories and dig further back. Particularly if you have some unique ethnic foods that your family enjoys—we probably all do. Where did Grandma’s carne adovada recipe come from, did she learn it from her mother? Maybe its Uncle Tony’s lasagna or that favorite chocolate or buttermilk pie that shows up at every family gathering. What are that dish’s roots and the family events it’s starred at?

Tip—when talking with a relative ask them the story of their favorite food. Why is that dish important? Whom is it associated with? When is a specific time they remember eating it? Who made it? Does this person still prepare this food and if so, is it in the same way? Is there a family cookbook or even a collection of family recipes?

 

I can remember poring over my mother in law’s extensive recipe collection as a newlywed. Her southern recipes and tastes are what my husband had grown up with and I hadn’t learned to cook those types of dishes. I still use a few of those recipes today and yes, I have learned to make a rockin’ southern gravy! My brother married into a Louisiana family with Cajun roots and he’s passed on the technique for creating a mouth-watering roux.

 

One of my memoir clients still has her great grandmother’s hand carved rolling pin. This simple food preparation tool has made piecrust for generations of the same family. Their holiday memories are tied to the special treats lovingly created with it. They talk about the many hands that have used it over the years and it is a cherished connection to their history.

 

Whether working with a children’s memoir class or adults I always ask food questions and encourage students to have fun writing down the memories brought to the surface. You can do the same in your story gathering!

National Geographic magazine printed a story a few years ago that popped up again recently. A French man named Mantin died in 1905 and decreed in his will that his house was to be left untouched for 100 years. The article states that the 54-year-old childless bachelor was afraid of being forgotten. Wow, shades of Miss Havisham in Dickens’s 1861 novel, Great Expectations. I wonder of Mantin had read it.

 

All of us want to feel as if we’ve made a difference, we want to be remembered. There are a myriad of wonderful ways to do this besides enshrining yourself or your home for over 100 years. That is just sad and a bit creepily fascinating.

 

Years ago I read about someone who did an experiment like this with people on the streets of a large city. It was fascinating what people carried around and why. Folks used to say that a good woman could survive for a week on the contents of her purse. This idea usually brings a laugh, then a sheepish admission that this evaluation is not too far off the mark.

 

However, what would happen if someone took your purse, your backpack, or one drawer in your house, and tried to learn about you just from the contents?

What story would your accumulated objects tell about you?

 

I tried this experiment a few years ago on myself with my “treasure box” drawer. Here’s what I found, described as an observer:

The Keepsake Drawer—-a box of gaudy plastic beads strung on a thick cord, gifts from her children.  Precious! The antique ring, elegant gold setting with just a piece of amethyst colored glass set in.  Given to her husband by the eccentric elderly lady whose lawn he mowed as a boy.  He had worked while she entertained the old man who was her gardener with iced tea and conversation.  But– when he found the chunk of purple glass she had it set in an elaborate vintage gold ring and returned it to him as a keepsake.  He had kept it for years then gave it to the girl he married.

Silk scarf woven in  gold and ivory that once belonged to her grandmother, a Swarovski crystal necklace and earring set left over from that same grandmother’s dinner party days; cheap tourist scarves collected from around the world, from places other people went.  A tiny swimsuit, an antique lace collar and three yards of handmade white lace, an enameled antique gold-rimmed plate, and a rustic looking pottery goblet and cup set that somehow made her think of the Holy Grail.  Assorted Mother’s Day cards and a blood pressure cuff.

A silver plated art deco tea set she’d kept through one husband, four moves and three children.  It was the first antique she’d ever bought at a garage sale when she was thirteen.  Somehow, it symbolized the elegance and travel she dreamed of.  Tarnished and pitted in a couple places but her dream nonetheless.  She couldn’t part with it, even all these years later.  Inspiring, maybe.

 

Look for symbols in the things around you.  Why does she/he keep that?  What is in your jewelry box, kitchen cabinets, closet, fishing tackle box, desk drawer?