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O’Tay Spanky! Want the story but hate to write? I can help with that–you talk, I’ll write about your gang. Whether you’re planning a family reunion this year and want to capture those family stories, or Aunt Mabel and Uncle Jim just crack you up with their memories and life view, don’t wait till yet another year has gone by.

Poll your family and find out what kinds of stories they most want to know.

Weekly Tip:

Come up with your top 10 life events

Don’t edit them, just write ‘em down. The recollections that rise to the top are the natural place to start. Then we can have a fun, focused conversation where I help you flesh out the events, drawing out the details and the who, what, where, when and why.

I like to think of it as gold mining. And boy can I help you get to the precious stuff.  I’ll do all the heavy lifting and you will have the joy of accomplishment as you hold that book in your hands or listen to the recording of the person you love telling their story.

Here’s some inspiration:

In The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Writing a Memoir, author Victoria Costello prompts the reader:

“Like reliable old friends, these familiar faces, lines of conversations, favorite songs, and images of pivotal events are always there…these memories will give you some starting places from which to begin brainstorming.”

We’ll work together to pick a theme or focus, then I’ll customize your personal history project to your needs. There’s no reason why this can’t be the year you tell your story. Or — you can gang up, in a friendly way of course, on your much loved relatives. Everybody pitch in make it happen as a gift for your parents’ anniversary or Grandma or Grandpa’s important birthday.

The story journey is part of the gift—they’ll never get another one like it.

Can you believe it? We’re already through January! We are booking for family reunions now, working in partnership with a talented local photographer to get those photos of your family’s one-of-a-kind precious faces. Need a workshop or speaker for your civic group? Add your event to our calendar today.

A big steaming cup of UGH! Can you think of a mistake that changed the direction of your life? That made you grow? C.S. Lewis said “Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.”

Let’s keep it real here—that you thought would mortify you to death but that you just laugh about now?

I remember the time as a teenager that I was modeling some clothes in a local boutique. A very high end boutique. Clothing changes had to be quick and no one was there to double check the view before I stepped out onto the floor. After a too-quick check in the dressing room mirror out I sauntered in some fancy outfit. After a few minutes wander through the store I went back to change and caught a glimpse of the rear view. Caught a bit too much of the rear view actually. I had wandered elegantly around the floor with the back of the dress tucked up into my pantyhose. Pure mortification as only a 17 year old can feel it! I hid in the dressing room until the handful of shoppers left.

Important lesson learned–how to laugh at oneself.

AND–check that mirror twice.

Many memories are of much greater  significance than this goofy one. Some  we’ll always look back on with tears. Things we’d do or say differently. There are times I wish I’d been kinder, more compassionate, more patient, more courageous. Yes, but there are times I got it right too, stood firm, went the extra mile, loved not perfectly but well. Can you turn around and take a good look at where you are now? Where you’re going?

Your past shapes your present and future but it does not trap you.

Ask those you care for about the transformative moments in their lives. Try to hit these three main categories:

Humorous

Sad

Thoughtful

Give someone the gift of listening to their story and help them pull up memories and emotions that make them who they are today. You just might learn something!

Writing prompts are great conversation starters. Exploring childhood memories is a great place to start, whether you’re working on your own story or helping a friend or family member. Don’t be satisfied with “Oh, I had a good childhood, or “My growing up years were rough.”

Get specific and sensory whether you’re telling your own story or helping draw out someone else’s.

Kim Kautzer of WriteShop has a great list of questions to get those memories flowing, check out her blog  on Childhood Memory Writing  for inspiration. She says:

“As vivid as the moment seems at the time, memories fade. These prompts will help jog them. Invite your older children to participate. They’re in closer proximity to their memories, and can usually remember the details more vividly….”

Here’s an example using one of her prompts:

1. Describe your favorite hideaway.

Before middle school hit like a freight train full of angst I’d spend hours at a time in my secret warm, dusty hideout. During these late childhood years I’d wrestle a few sweet smelling hay bales around so they made a little cave up in the top of the pole barn. Then, I’d climb down to collect whatever book I was reading that week, tuck a cat under one arm and clamber back up to my nest, being careful of my chronically skinned knees. Curling my long skinny frame onto an old coat spread out on the hay I’d settle into my secret sanctuary with a contented cat and book.

Safe, quiet, peaceful. Traveling to distant places, getting lost in story, daydreaming about winning the track meet, becoming a writer or just the sweet red headed boy who said “hi.” Kid stuff yes, but crucial deposits into a bank of memories to draw on through life.

Learning to communicate well is a skill you can nurture in anyone, whether 5 or 75. If you have kiddos who are “reluctant writers” take a look at the rest of the WriteShop website, you’ll find a wealth of practical help. Pass it along to your teacher friends too.

Childhood memories could also turn into a bit of story like this:

Grandma had a penchant for daydreaming and a vivid imagination and used these skills to liven up the duties and routine of caring for a large family. Rosie had discovered this one summer when she’d been sent to help Grandma on the farm, and, she suspected, get her out of her overworked mother’s hair for a few weeks. She’d promised that she would help and not sleep too late and do chores without being told, and wash the dishes and, the list went on.

When she arrived at the Big House however, that’s what her dad always called the old white Victorian, she discovered that Grandma was energetic and capable and didn’t feel overworked in the least. On the contrary, as she bustled about her morning routine with the sun shining in through the wavy glass of the old windows, Rosie had followed her around, trying to help and watching her. Grandma was quick to smile, her green eyes crinkling at the corners. She was patient to and Rosie did learn, but it took her three times as long to do a chore as it did Grandma who smoothly went through the motions of caring for her home and family just like she had for all the decades of her adult life.

Rosie shyly asked about what things were like when Grandma was a girl, then got lost in the stories she told as they hung up sheets in the grass scented breeze outside on the drying lines or picked sun warmed blackberries in the garden, licking the juice off their fingers and feeling the delicious pop when biting down on a ripe berry. They made cobbler in her big cast iron skillet with Grandma’s homemade sweet biscuit dough.

Where will your childhood memories take you? Use Kim’s list of thought provoking questions and do three things: answer them yourself and interview both a child and an older person. You can learn a lot from your friends at both ends of the age spectrum.

Southern  New Mexico is smack in the middle of a La Nina weather pattern. Which means not a lot of the white stuff for us this year. I’m missing that snow so here’s a link to some cold weather duds and fun from days gone by:

https://weather.com/sports-recreation/ski/news/2013-12-16-vintage-winter-

wear-cold-below-zero-coat-20131014

I really like the lady skiing behind her fuzzy coated horse in slide 7. That would have been me in the last century. Also, the motor sleigh in slide 10 is a riot! Forerunner of the snowmobile I guess.

One of the beautiful things about the Southwest is our mild weather and sunshine but we get the cold weather friskies just like folks in days gone by. Notice how everyone is smiling in the slide show above?

Of course, their faces might be frozen that way.

Anyone have some old pics of winter fun or fashion in our neck of the woods? And for those of you that follow along from other parts of the country—send ‘em in, we want to see! In fact, here’s a couple winter shots from a memorable trip I took with my daughter to England a few years back—right after their worst ice storm in 30 years. Made for some gorgeous scenery! These pics were taken  in Keswick and Penrith in the Northern England lake country.

Can you share some vintage winter photos and stories of what you or your family used to do for fun when the mercury dropped? Anyone have an old story your grandparents used to tell of a cold winter back in the early 1900s here in New Mexico? I’d love to hear it.

Or maybe your family recalls winter storms when you get together. One of my personal history clients tells of the terrible blizzard of ’57 that hit nine states and made national headlines, sweeping across New Mexico and the plains states.

Cattleman Pat Withers in the oral history collection Homes on the Range, (Peter Eidenbach and Beth Morgan) recalls a June snowstorm in the Tularosa Basin:

“…It come 3 inches of the wettest snow in the forest –three of the wettest, coldest cowboys you ever saw in your life. We went up there the day before and gathered and bedded ’em down on the fence line that night.

Went up there the next mornin’, just as pretty a day as you ever saw. and here come a northern over that hill, just a big ol’ black cloud, and went to snowin’ and the wind a blowin’; boy, we liked to froze to death –we’s in our shirt sleeves. it was ’44, I believe…that’s the coldest I’ve ever been. i finally dug into a big ol’ beargrass and got it on fire, and we stood around that as close as we could and kinda dried out and warmed up….”

Whichever winter story you have, fun or fright, share it with us and start the conversation.

Here’s a hot chocolate toast to all,

Karen

Happy New Year Everyone! Each day is an investment—do you ever think about your own personal stash of 24 hours that way?

I have been experiencing a technology flash back the last few days. My landline has been down and the internet access sporadic. While I don’t pretend to understand how this all works it has led to some wonderfully quiet days of spending time with family, reading a slew of paperback mysteries and hanging out with the pets in front of the fire. Pretty nice!

Phone repairs are set to happen tomorrow and in the meantime I hope to grab a brief internet window and post this. On this first day of the year the gorgeous New Mexico sunshine is calling so I’m doing a little outside work and thinking about where I’d like to take this blog during 2018.

How best to number my days?

I’ve finished up the second of two major book projects at the end of 2017 and have been thrilled to help these families save their stories. They join the large group of folks who have put on their bucket list– “I want to write a book” and the small group that have accomplished it. Congratulations! I have been blessed to be part of making that happen. Thank you!

This year I have room to take on five new coaching clients. If you want some hands on personalized help telling your story or that of someone you love contact me and let’s talk about how to get you started. You’ll have a lot of fun working on this goal; it’s an amazing and satisfying experience.

You too can make this happen in 2018. Let this be the year!

Blessings to you all as you stand poised to open your gift of a brand new year.

Karen

A really smart guy by the name of R.C. Trench said this:

“The best is oftentimes the enemy of the good; and many a good book has remained unwritten… because there floated before the mind’s eye the ideal of a better or a best.”

Guess when he wrote this—1861, yup, way back the same year the Civil War started. Author Rosanne Bane started off a recent blog post with this quote, driving home the point that this is not a new problem. It is a sentiment and dare I say, EXCUSE, that I hear so many times. In fact, I’ve even succumbed to it myself. Want to make progress toward an important goal? Insisting on perfection is not the way to do it.

Here’s the “Reader’s Digest” version of Bane’s article. If you’d like to read the entire thing (highly recommended), here’s the link:

http://blog.bookbaby.com/2017/11/good-enough-may-be-the-best-thing/

She makes the point that sometimes it is crucial that you do your best, especially if you’re performing brain surgery, flying a plane or maybe parenting a two year old.

However, we can be

Paralyzed by perfection

Bane says:

“If you refuse to accept good enough, you can’t move on. If you make writing a matter of “I’ll do my best or do nothing,” you’ll end up doing nothing most of the time because you simply can’t be your best all the time (or even most of the time). If you were your best all the time, by definition, that would just be your average.

You can’t let perfectionism get in the way. Well actually, you can – it’s just not effective or satisfying to let it get in your way. I truly wish I’d been more vulnerable, taken more risks, made more mistakes, and fallen on my face a lot more often earlier in my career. But with luck and persistence, I can do that now.”

This  Point of Paralysis  is exactly the spot where many folks get stuck in thinking about saving their family stories. You know you want to do it, you’re afraid of the scope of the job, you’re not sure where to start, you don’t consider yourself a writer, you’ll do it someday, etc.

Bane’s takeaway,

“…first ideas don’t have to be brilliant; they only have to be good enough to give you a place to move on from.”

Let me break it down:

A two hour oral history is a small time commitment capturing the irreplaceable voice of the person you love– timbre, nuance, humor, expressions, life experience.

A four hour oral history is a small time commitment—accomplishing all of the above and drawing out more stories, more unique humanity.

An entire series of life history interviews is a small time commitment—about 12 hours. It works because of the guided, skilled nature of the interviewer, focused on drawing out and enhancing the innate story telling skills we all possess as human beings. And did I mention it’s fun?

Here’s the neat thing–You don’t even have to be able to write! I will talk you through your story and write it up for you. Voila!

In the amount of time it takes to watch a movie or follow a season of your favorite TV show you could make a life history project happen for someone you love.

Is this your year? Break past the paralysis point and give me a call, I’d be delighted to help you get started.

Karen